All Things To All People

Superwoman is pure fiction. There is no such person, but she exists in our mind every day. A model of perfection who we envy and try to be more like in every way. The fact is, that we suffer from being a perfectionist, we generate huge amounts of stress just trying to be like her. That is a fact, and we often find ourselves rushing around trying to be a good mother, a good wife, a good worker, a good daughter, when all we want to do is to have a peaceful stress-free life.

The problem is expectation

The truth of it all, is that we are driven to be 'a good wife' by expectations. Our expectations and those of our loved ones, our husbands, our children, our mothers and fathers. All of these people in their own way have images of what a good wife or good daughter 'should' be, and if they are not fulfilled in us, then there will be pressure on us to be more like the mental picture they hold in their heads.

This is life

I know, I know, this is life and it has always been this way. Yes that is true, but the difference is that we can be master of our own destiny. By being less of a perfectionist, by changing the way we think, we can cause ourself less stress, and help others to see that their image of this 'perfect' woman is flawed. We can actually become what we and others think of as a good wife without driving ourselves into an early grave. So we can start this process now, by giving ourselves permission to be less than perfect.

Being good enough

We will, however, have to become more assertive and confident, because once we understand and accept that we are good enough just the way we are, then others will accept us too. Think of the people you know to be competent and successful, and you will find that they believe in themselves and so others believe in them too. The things they do are not perfect, but they have the confidence to pull it off and if they make a mistake, they learn from it and move on.

No standard role model

There is no standard role model for a 'good wife' or 'good mother' or 'good daughter', if there were, it would be easier perhaps, but we are brought up with a belief system according to many different variable factors including education, race, religion, culture and other things. Stress is often caused when one person or situation does not fit into our idea of how it should, and we try and find ways to mould or move the situation to conform to our ideal model held in our head. Where there is resistance, there is tension and stress.

Be more selective

By recognising that we are human and not keep trying to be perfect, we eventually realise that there is no perfect role model for women to be this good wife. There is no role model for husbands either, for that matter, and so we both have to have more realistic ideas about what we can achieve and the achievements of others too. We need to be more selective in what ideas we allow into our mind and only allow positive, helpful ones which reflect reality, rather than reinforcing unrealistic perfection models as served up to us by the media. Finally, as the perfectionists that we are, we must be kind and loving to ourselves, because stress caused by driving ourselves too hard, can have a serious impact on our physical and mental well-being.