"For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining, is to let it rain". (Longfellow)
Not every problem has a solution, and we cannot avoid all stressful and unfair situations. Sometimes the most careful planning and decisive action won't help. But when the situation seems hopeless and we're totally stressed -out there's still hope. Here are four options to try:
Firstly, don't dwell on the future - or the past. Dale Carnegie advised that when you're caught up in useless worry, imagine yourself as the captain in the centre of your own 'ship of life'. You have steel doors in front to shut off worry about the future, and others behind you to block out regrets from the past. Instead of fearing the future, make plans and take action today - and enjoy the present as much as possible. Don't ignore the past, but examine it rationally, learn from it, then let it GO!
No matter how much you jump up and down or yell, you can't stop the sun from setting or the wind from blowing Acceptance of the inevitable is a big part of coping with stress. Life is full of situations we must accept: we can't have everything we want; people won't always do what we want - or like us. You don't have to like a stressful situation or approve of it, but you can decide to accept it. Do you have a spouse with an irritating habit? You can try to change them (good luck!) - you can be mad all the time - or you can just relax and let them be the way they are. As Epicitus said: "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." Of course, if the situation is life-threatening, you do have to do something, but even then, an attitude of acceptance makes you calmer, stronger and more effective.
Take Action! Even if you have little control over a stressful situation, there's always something you can do. The poet Alfred Lord Tennyson put it this way: "I must lose myself in action, lest I wither in despair". For example, if your sweetheart has left you or you've lost all your money, you don't have to fall apart. You can choose to say "Gee, that's too bad", then get out, exercise, join a club, or volunteer to help those even worse off. You'll feel better and more in control!
Shakespeare wrote: "To fear the worst, oft cures the worst." 'Awfulizing' means consciously deciding to face up to the worst that could possibly happen instead of trying to ignore it and letting it eat away at you. Spend some time thinking about the worst that could happen and you may realize that it's very unlikely - and you can move on. If the worst is quite possible, then vividly picture yourself getting through it bravely and resourcefully. However, if you feel really down, helpless and hopeless, you may be depressed in the medical sense. In this case see your doctor, don't ' awfulize', because dwelling on the worst outcomes may make the situation worse. And remember: "What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens". (Benjamin Disraeli)
