The place is hot and steamy, pulsing with the beat of blaring music and
gyrating bodies. You see her working it across the crowded floor, and
you have to meet her. A brilliant idea: you’ll buy her a drink. But
wait a second - that only works in night clubs, and you’re at a health
club. So while you could send a 20 oz. Tropical Xtremo Gatorade her
way, that probably won’t produce the intended result, no matter how
important it is to replenish fluids during strenuous exercise. What do
you do?
Gyms notoriously attract eye-catching people. There’s no greater
concentration of sinewy muscles and tight, skimpy clothing anywhere…
except maybe the adult thriller section of your local Blockbuster
Video. Let’s face it, even the most average-looking gym-goer is fit and
healthy, or at least will be in a few months. But while fitness clubs
are a veritable bakery of available beefcakes and beefcakettes, they
can actually be rather tricky places to meet people. Gyms are often
chock full of cheesy pick-up artists with sleazy come-ons, or, on the
other side, designer gear-wearing posers who walk around a whole lot
and manage to lift very little.
But there has to be some way for normal people to meet other normal
people at the gym, right? The simple answer is yes, but not without
keeping several things in mind - especially if your idea of a good
opening line is something like “Nice shoes, wanna french?”
Listen up, all you muscle-bound Casanovas out there: no matter how
eager you are to begin the mating… er, dating process, you’ve got to
scope out the scene. Some gyms are as flirty as all-you-can drink “body
shot nite” at Club Med. Others, well, you’d probably have better luck
cruising a Buddhist monastery. Look around. Are people talking… with
each other… and not asking whether they can “work-in”? If that’s the
case, fire up conversations at will (we’ll cover what to say shortly).
But if the atmosphere is more businesslike, it’s probably best to keep
minding your own. Unsolicited banter, no matter how witty, can stick
out worse than a left elbow during assisted tricep dips.
Next, and most importantly: you can check someone out, just don’t
freak them out. It’s one thing to sneak a peek while she’s sprawled on
the stretching mat, but quite another to train your penetrating gaze on
her (no matter how amazing her side crunch technique might be). Among
the women I’ve spoken to, the consensus is clear. One or two quick
glances, and maybe even a little smile, are flattering; prolonged
staring, drooling, or high-fiving your equally lecherous friends, is
not. Of course, even the strongest exhibit occasional weakness - if you
absolutely can’t help it, use the gym’s mirrors for a far less
detectable stare. (This technique can also give you a better view of,
shall we say, the traditionally hidden parts of an alluring physique.)
You’ve spotted someone on the lat machine, you’ve used the mirror,
and you like what you see. You’re ready to make your move, right? Hold
on there, tough guy. The next step is recognizing her receptiveness.
Just as exercise is a social experience, it can also be solitary and
serious. Some people just want to get in and get out as quickly as
possible. This is especially true at gyms where members squeeze
workouts into hectic appointment schedules, or even before the workday
begins. People probably aren’t looking for romance in the midst of the
daily grind, and while your hormones might be awake at 6:00 a.m., it’s
unlikely that someone who gets up while it’s still dark wants to meet
anyone, aside from the coffee stand guy.
Same can be said of those who hit the gym after work - chances are
they just want to exercise, go home, and eat a salad. If some meathead
wearing zebra-print Zubaz pants impedes that progress, do you think
he’ll get that number (the real one)? She might have caught your eye,
but you can’t assume the feeling is mutual unless she sees you and
smiles back. Even then, wait an extra minute, just to make sure she’s
not there with her championship kick-boxer boyfriend, who’d be more
than happy to use your face as a leather focus mitt.
When it comes to opening lines, we all have our stand-bys. But at
the gym, inspired pick-ups like “Sagittarius, right?,” “I’m on the
football team,” and “please don’t call the cops” might not work as
well. True, women’s reactions vary, depending largely on delivery,
making it tough to say what to say. But there are definitely techniques
to avoid. Worst offender? The old “let me show you how to do that”
maneuver. We’ve all seen this move in action, and might even be guilty
of trying it (listen up, personal trainers). There’s nothing wrong with
correcting someone’s form - unless it’s used as a pretext to ogle her
body at close range, or, worse, place an “instructive” hand on it.
Most men don’t mind a stranger’s touch (and probably fantasize
about it), but women like it about as much as filthy bathrooms, back
hair, and spitting contests. Here’s something else they hate: guys who
comment on how stretchy they are. Yes, women are flexible, and
flexibility is awesome - just ask Emoke Ritter, world-famous Hungarian
contortionist (you’ve never heard of her?). Women understand they can
bend in ways that stir the male imagination - spare yourself the
embarrassment of mentioning it.
The last thing a woman wants to hear from a stranger, unless you’re
Leonardo DiCaprio, is “boy are you flexible.” Same goes for “great
muscle tone,” “killer pecs,” or “nice ass.” Keep the focus off her
body, at least out loud. Instead, comment on the book she’s reading or
the music she’s listening to. Or simply ask what her name is. Talk a
little. Work out a little. Established a rapport first, then you can
show her the right way to do a shoulder press. Better yet, let her show
you.
Top 5 Least Effective Gym PIck-Up Lines
1) Is that a Detour bar in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
2) Nice Glutes.
3) I’d love to ask you out for a drink, but I’m on Atkins.
4) You know, my favorite exercise is pushups. They’re best done with 2 people, care to join in?
5) Hi, my name is Richard Simmons.
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